Genealogical Humor

Don't go alone when transcribing cemeteries!!!

A woman in KY, an avid cemetery hunter did what no gal should do.
She had heard about a cemetery in the woods long sought after and went
by herself .

It was way off the beaten path. She found the cemetery and was getting ready to mark the names and dates down when sheheard a click on either side of her. She was on her hands and knees.

She looked up and saw a fellow on either side of her with a rifle, cocked.
In her excitement, she had been pulling up grass and weeds to clear thestones. When she glanced down, she saw what she had been pulling ... their"crop" ready for harvesting - the illegal type of hemp!

Thinking quickly(and likely praying a lot!) she turned on the tears and said "Oh, I hopeI'm not trespassing ... I'm just so happy .... THERE'S GRANDPA!" "I'vehunted for his grave for years (sob, sob), and there he is, oh Grandpa!"

They took one look at her and just walked away.

Never go cemetery huntingalone!!!

By the way, she didn't have the foggiest idea of who was buried there, but bet her real grandpa was proud of her!

Author: Sandi Gorin
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I can see this happening at a genealogist's grave.....

Two men were walking home after a party and decided to take ashortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle ofthe cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise comingfrom the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "Youscared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are youdoing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
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A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating,
"Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied ................."My wife's first husband."

A guy was known among his friends to be very brief and to the point...hereally never said too much. One day, a saleswoman promoting a certain brand of brushes knocked on his door and asked to see his wife, so the guy told her that she wasn't home."Well," the woman said, "could I please wait for her?"The man directed her to the drawing room and left her there for more than three hours.

After feeling really worried, she called out for him and asked, "May I know where your wife is?"" She went to the cemetery," he replied."And when is she coming home?""I don't really know," he said. "She's been there eleven years now."

Ancient professions: the end is here!

Medieval And Obsolete Professions: X, Y and Z


Xylographer - a person who made wooden printing blocks

Xylopola - wood merchant

Yagger - peddler

Yardman - 1) a rail worker; 2) a farmer

Yatman - doorkeeper or gatekeeper

Year man - one who hired himself out for a year's work at a time, usually agricultural

Yeoman - 1) a farmer who owned his own land; 2) a ship's storeman
Yowler - assistant to a thatcher who held the yowles of straw

Yeoman ~~ Freehold farmer.

Zigarius - Gypsy

Zincographer - One who used zinc plates, known as 'zincos,' for engraving or printing

Zitherist - one who plays a zither, one of a class of simple stringed instruments

Zoographer - one who classifies species of animals

Zythepsarist – brewer

Ancient Professions..almost done!

Medieval And Obsolete Professions: V to W


Vaginarius, Sheather - maker of sheaths and scabbards

Vassal - a servant of the lowest order

Venator / Venur - huntsman

Victualer - a seller of food and drink; tavern keeper

Vineroon - Wine grower.

Vintner - wine merchant

Vulcan - a blacksmith; iron worker


Wabster - weaver

Wadding maker - maker of wadding (usually made of old rags or cotton) for stuffing upholstered furniture

Wafer maker - maker of church communion wafers

Wagoner / Waggoner - teamster not for hire

Wailer - Mine worker who removed impure rocks in a coal mine

Wain house proprietor - owner of a building where wagons could be parked for a fee

Wainius - ploughman

Wainwright - wagon maker

Waiter - customs officer or tide waiter; one who waited on the tide to collect duty on goods brought in

Waitman - Night watchman who guarded the gates of a city, usually marking the hours with the ringing of a small bell

Waker - A person whose job was to wake workers in time for early morning work

Walker / Waulker - fuller; cloth trampler or cleaner

Waller - 1) Specialist in building walls; 2) salt maker

Wardcorn - Watchman armed with a horn for sounding the alarm on the event of intruders or trouble. Common during medieval times.

Warker - Specialist at building walls, embattlements, and embankments

Warper / Warp Beamer - a textile worker who arranged the individual yarns which created the "warp" of the fabric upon a large cylinder called a beam.
Water bailiff - 1) A custom's officer who searched ships as they came into port; 2) one employed to protect fisheries from poachers

Water carter / Water carrier - Someone who sold fresh water from a traveling cart

Waterguard - customs officer

Webber / Webster - weaver; operator of looms

Wetnurse - A women who feeds the children of others with her own breast milk (usually for a fee)

Wharfinger - a person who owned or was in charge of a wharf

Wheelwright - builder and repairer of wagon wheels, carriages etc.

Whey cutter - a worker in the cheese industry

Whiffler - an officer who went before an army or procession to clear the way by blowing a horn or trumpet

Whipcorder - a maker of whips

Whisket weaver - basket maker

White cooper - one who makes barrels from tin or other light metals

White limer - one who painted walls and fences with white lime

Whitesmith - tinsmith; worker of tin who finishes or polishes the work.

Whittawer - Preparer of white leather.

Whitster - bleacher of cloth.

Wing coverer - a worker who covered airplane wings with linen fabric.

Wonkey scooper - person who operated a scoop-type contraption from a horse.

Wright - a skilled worker in various trades

Humerous Grave Stones

Anna Wallace

The children of Israel wanted bread And the Lord sent them manna,

Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna.

Sir John Strange

Here lies an honest lawyer,

And that is Strange.

Sacred to the memory of my husband John Barnes,

who died January 3, 1803

His comely young widow, aged 23,

has many qualifications of a good wife,

and yearns to be comforted.

Here lies an Atheist,

All dressed up

And no place to go.

Ann Mann

Here lies Ann Mann,

Who lived an old maid

But died an old Mann.

Dec. 8, 1767

Russell J. Larsen buried in Logan, Ut.

Two things I love most,good horses and beautiful women,

And when I die I hope they tan this old hide of mineand make it into a ladies riding saddle,

So I can rest in peacebetween the two things I love

In Memory of Beza Wood

Departed this life Nov. 2, 1837

Aged 45 yrs.

Here lies one Wood Enclosed in wood

One Wood Within another.

The outer wood Is very good: We cannot praise The other.

When the great judgement day arrives and Joshua Fenton Newton does not emerge from this hole,

you will know that someone made a mistakeand buried me in the wrong hole.

From La Pointe, Wis.

To the Memory of Abraham Beaulieu

Born 15 September 1822

Accidentally shot 4th April 1844

As a mark of affection from his brother.

From Burlington Vt.
She lived with her husband fifty years

And died in the confident hope of a better life.

Here lies my wife:

Here let her lie!

Now she's at rest

And so am I.

Here Lies Mary Smith

Silent At Last

Medieval And Obsolete Professions: T to U

Tabernarius - Taverner, Innkeeper.

Tanner - one who tans (cures) animal hide into leather.

Tannator - Tanner.

Taper - candlewick maker or seller.

Tapley - one who puts the tap in an ale
cask.

Tapster - a barman; a person employed to serve beer.

Tasker – reaper.

Tawer - one who taws (makes hide into leather without the use of tanning).
Teamster - one who drives a team (horses or oxen) for hauling .
Teinter - Dyer.

Textor - weaver

Thatcher - roofer; specifically thatch roofs

Tide waiter - customs inspector

Tinctor - Dyer or possibly a painter.

Tinker - an itinerant mender and seller of kettles, tin pots and pans

Tipstaff - policeman

Travers - toll bridge collector

Tucker - cleaner of cloth goods

Turner - one who turns wood on a lathe into spindles

Ulnager - a person appointed to examine woolen goods for quality

Upholder - 1) upholsterer; 2) an auctioneer's assistant; 3) cheapjack; 4) seller of secondhand goods.

Upright worker - chimney sweep

More ancient professions

Medieval And Obsolete Professions: R to S

Raffia man ~~ A maker of straw or grass goods.

Rag cutter ~~ A worker in a textile (cloth) or paper factory.

Raker ~~ A street cleaner; one employed to rake street rubbish into piles.

Revenuer ~~ An official who enforced tax laws on liquor, working against illegal manufacturing of whisky.

Rigger ~~ Ahoist tackler worker, working on a ship's rigging.
Ripper ~~ A fish monger; seller of fish.

Rodman ~~ A surveyor's assistant.

Roper ~~ A maker of rope or nets.

Rotarius ~~ Wheelwright


Saddler ~~ A maker and repairer of saddles and bridles.

Safernman ~~ Grower of Saffron.

Salter ~~ One who makes or deals in salt.

Samitere (Samite) ~~ Maker of a kind of heavy silk suff.

Sauntere ~~ Probaby Salt maker.

Sausere ~~ Salter.

Savant ~~ Servant.

Sawbones ~~ Physician (What a disturbing title!)

Sawyer ~~ Sawer of wood; carpenter.

Scabbler ~~ Person who uses a scabbler (pick) to trim the sides of a tunnel.
Schumacker ~~ Shoemaker or cobbler.

Scribler / Scribbler ~~ Minor or worthless author.

Scrivener ~~ Scribe or clerk; professional or public copyist or writer; notary public.

Scrutiner ~~ Election judge.

Seinter ~~ Girdlemaker.

Seler (Sellarius) ~~ Sadder.

Sempster ~~ Seamstress.

Serviens ~~ Sergeant.

Servus ~~ Servant.

Sewer rat ~~ A bricklayer who specialized in making and repairing sewers and tunnels.

Sherman/ Shearman ~~ One who raised the surface of wollen cloth and then sheared it to a smooth surface; cutter of woolen cloth.

Shrieve / Shriever ~~ sheriff .

Sickleman ~~ a reaper.

Sifker ~~ Sievemaker.

Silkmaker spinster ~~ Female spinner.

Silkmaker throster ~~ Male spinner.

Simpler ~~ Agriculturist that we would call herbalist today.

Sissor (Cissor) ~~ Tailor.

Slater / Slatter ~~ roofer; tiler.

Sleymaker ~~ Maker of instruments to part threads in weaving.

Slopseller - seller of ready-made clothes in a slop shop

Snobscat / Snob - shoe repairer; cobbler

Soper ~~ soapmaker.

Sorter ~~ tailor.

Spicer ~~ a grocer or dealer in spices.

Spinster ~~ unmarried woman; spinner (female).

Spittleman ~~ hospital attendant.

Spurrer / Spurrier ~~ maker of spurs.

Squire ~~ country gentleman; farm owner; justice of peace.

Stabler ~~ Ostler.

Stasyon (Stawsun) ~~ Probably a Stationer.

Stevedore ~~ a dock worker or laborer who loads and unloads ship's cargos.

Stuff Gown / Stuff Gownsman ~~ junior barrister.

Sugarer ~~ Dealer in sugar. (Grocer ?)

Sumner ~~ Summoner or Apparitor.

Sutor ~~ Shoemaker or cobbler.

Swordcutter ~~ Smith who fashioned swords.